So, Your Other Half is Off to Basic Training...

Rewind about seven years - because that's how long it's been since I was in the position that I'm going to be talking about on this blog. Seven years ago, my boyfriend and I were graduating from high school, and he was getting ready to ship out to basic training for the U.S. Army. At the time, I had no friends who were in a similar position, and hadn't yet discovered the blogger-community of people who could talk me through. But somehow, seven years later, he and I are still together, married, and making it on our own.

So, maybe we did something right. If that's the case, then here are some lessons learned from my experiences that may help you too.

Step 1: Let It Out

I know, the first thing everyone wants to do is be proud and supportive. No one wants to be that person who isn't appropriately proud of their significant other for doing something as noble as committing themselves to defending their country. But believe me when I say that you need to let the negative things out before you can start being positive.

Maybe you're angry that they're enlisting, and you didn't want them to do it in the first place. SAY SO. Maybe you're terrified and think that they're going to change and you're going to grow apart. SAY SO. You're not doing anyone any favors by keeping it inside. Sure, it's well-intentioned that you don't want to stress your loved one out, but in the end, the lack of communication is the death sentence to many relationships.

Step 2: Let Yourself Be Sad

The first day after he left, I had no appetite until well until the next evening. I picked at a granola bar the whole day, and cried intermittently for no apparent reason except that I missed him. And then, afterwards, I realized I was hungry and didn't want to cry anymore. Pretending to be okay is something you do for others, so they won't feel bad for you, or so they won't feel guilty. But, when you're going through a big change in your life, it's alright to think about yourself and grant yourself the right to feel what you feel.

Step 3: Get Up and Do Something

I mean it. Enroll in classes. Get a part-time job. Get a full-time job. Learn to jet-ski. Take a road trip. Start P90X. Whatever it is, do it. Don't let yourself sit and wallow, and don't be stagnant.

Imagine being your girlfriend or boyfriend - you are in training, learning new things, doing new things, and growing as a person. How do you feel when you get on the phone with someone you love, and it's the same story every time? You feel alone. Sure, maybe you think that reiterating "I love you" and "I miss you" is all you need to say whenever you write a letter or answer the phone - but that is false.

You need to have your own experiences that you can share, because if the person you love is growing and finding themselves, you need to do that too in order to stay on the same page as them. This is a time for you both to grow and become more mature, more aware of what you want in life. Don't ruin your chances of a good future with the person you love just because you didn't want to explore and grow.

Step 4: Tell Your Stories

Don't be ashamed of your new experiences. Share them, be excited about them. If the person you love truly loves you, they'll be excited for you. It will bring life to every conversation, and keep your connection to the other person strong.

Let the letters you write be interesting and colorful. Don't be all doom and gloom. Have adventures, and tell the person you love that they inspire you to explore and grow.

Step 5: Be Demanding...

...as long as you are realistic about it. Don't let yourself become a doormat. A lot of people with a significant other in the military make this mistake because they feel like their loved one is doing something so major and so noble by being in the military, and that they are "just a student", or "just a waitress". Don't belittle yourself. Know that the fact that the person you love is in the military doesn't give them special rights in your relationship. Know that you are allowed to have needs and to voice them, even if there is nothing that can be done right now. Be the person who has standards and sets goals - because in the end, it's one thing to keep a relationship, but to keep it healthy is another achievement entirely.